Friday, July 10, 2009

Faking it

This morning, I received a dazzling flurry of compliments from a friend and coworker that left me breathless. My eye makeup, my hair, my layered t-shirts, etc.

Everyone should receive that kind of greeting in the morning.

Upon reflection, though, I felt like the tiniest bit of a fraud. Because, while I may look somewhat put together occasionally, it's generally all fake. Here's why:

My eye makeup: I've worn it the same way for three years, ever since I sat down at the MAC counter at Macy's, slapped two gift cards down, and told the aesthetitician that I'd spend $60 if she'd just update my eye makeup. I left with a blue pencil, pale beige cream primer, a light-brown shadow and a dark maroon shadow. She showed me how to line my eyes and where to blend the shadow, and I've been copying her for over 1,000 days now.

My hair: Yes, I did take the time to blow-dry and curl it this morning ... one morning out of 10 that such a thing occurred. But the curling is just so that no one can see that I haven't been to see my stylist in three months. I'm a four-times-a-year haircut gal, even though I prefer a shorter cut that requires more frequent maintenance.

My layers: Today, I chose a blue lace camisole from Banana Republic to wear under my sleeveless brown sweater from Banana Republic. Because I'm oh-so-fashion-forward? Nope! Because the undergarments I'm wearing make it very easy to see when it's cold outside. Plus, even though I'm wearing Spanx so tight I need a bodybuilder to help me pull them up in the morning, the double layer helps smooth any leftover pudges.

Speaking of Spanx, I wear them daily. Even on weekends. I'm afraid to buy more than the four pair I own, though, because someday I'll buy such a small size that I'll stop trying to lose weight altogether. I'll lose the ability to bend at the waist, and I'll have boobs in the front AND in the back, but I'll still be able to fit into all of my pants.

No, it's not a good idea for me to have access to more Spanx.

So, you can see, that my knowledge of fashion and makeup is more practical than anything. It just so happens that the stars and planets aligned for me today, and the whole package came together!

But I'll take the compliment.
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