Friday, November 6, 2009

Thankful for ... forgiveness

I am a Capricorn. So is my husband. Our astrological symbol is the goat, and it couldn't be more appropriate.

We are loyal, we are independent ... we are stubborn.

Sigh. It makes Dr. Phil and good communication a necessity, not a luxury, in our house. We are slow to anger, quick to be defensive, right-fighters and slow to forgive.

I know what you're thinking. What on earth made him propose? Why did she say yes? What makes them think this marriage will work?

In a word: forgiveness.

I'd like to think it doesn't happen often, but a couple weeks ago I flat-out lost my temper. I was stewing over a small inconvenience, and found myself seething, spitting and shouting mad. I got the last word in what became a heated argument, Matt left the room and I immediately deflated.

"Dammit," I sighed, smacking myself on the forehead after realizing that I was very far from Being Right. Then I went after him to whole-heartedly apologize for the whole incident. I had no excuse, I explained, but that I'd lost my temper. I understood how awful it was to bear the brunt of it, and I was really very sorry.

Minutes later, we were laughing about a strange incident from his day.

"I'm glad there's forgiveness in my marriage," I thought to myself that night, grateful for a partner who could accept my (myriad) flaws and move past them.

Last night, the tables were turned. I was angry at something my husband did, and felt myself falling toward that place of stubborn unyielding. And then ... I forgave.

It's been a long, terrible week. But while I could be sitting here angry at my spouse, I just feel love. It's a relief, really, with the frustration that abounds everywhere else around me.

I'm so thankful, still, that there's forgiveness in my marriage. And I'm not ashamed to say that it's my husband who teaches me how to do it.
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